four years ago today, i was cuddling a sweet newborn baby in my arms in those first few precious moments. Well, what little i could because Daddy wanted all of the snuggle time! : )
On tyler's birthday i always especially remember all of the pain i went through to bring him into this world. 13 hours of it. i remember the thoughts that seaped into my nervous system. especially around three hours before his birth when i looked at Craig and said, "this is what it takes to bring one soul into the world?!" yeah i know. i'm lame.
But then when i saw those bright blue eyes for the first time and felt the warmness of his untouched skin against me, i had no idea my heart would never be the same. i wanted everything for him. complete fairness in life. i wanted everyone to show him kindess. more than anything i wanted to give him a super mom whose only weakness is the ability to love him too much.
Then you learn, you can't do that. i'd say im a pretty good mom and im pretty sure ive never really let him down. he's my first thought every morning before i can open my eyes and my last thought when i go to bed at night. What i have learned is that knowing your weaknesses as a mother can make you stronger. At least as strong as you're gonna be. Sure, i'm way too sensitive to be a mother. i am too competitive with other moms. I embarass him in front of his friends. Sometimes i accidently start to put his shoe on the wrong foot. But like his shoe, i can fix it and tweak it until i learn more..
One thing that no one told you about parenthood:
Cause Honey there is no such thing as perfection. : )
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