Fiddiling through old memories

Is it just me, or when you look back at the highlights in your life do you ever feel crazy for what you did? Maybe. Is it just me or do those pictures let a smile slip from your lips? Perhaps. Is it just me or has my life only been meaningful the last three years I've lived?

Lately, I've spent a lot of time looking back at pictures from school. The kind that make you realize that suddenly its all over. No more routine like you had every day for thirteen years.

Call me crazy. Go ahead, and say it. But there was a time where I would still dream i was in highschool when i slept at night. Reliving the good. Soaking myself in how i could have done things differently, with friends and my teachers. Now, all of a sudden i wasn't pushing myself out into a crowd of strange people every day for four years.

Now, my life is completely different. Sure, being a mom isn't easy. Its a fact of life. But, after nearly three and a half years of no sleep, time to myself, or days without chasing a toddler around, I have to say that this has been the most rewarding time of my whole life. I laugh more than i ever did before. back then. I love with my whole heart instead of just with a third. And, sometimes its like i see the world in a completely different color spectrum.

Sometimes, i think that it just takes being a Mom to understand how meaningless your life was before you held that tiny baby in your arms. You hold their hand within the first few moments of their life, until gradeschool, and before you know it they push you away. I just hope that by the time its Tyler's turn to be a daddy many years from now, every once in a while, his fingers who i loved since before he was born, will reach out for mine every once in a while.


Here's to new beginnings and life changing circumstances. Heres to laughter, no regrets and accepting your own mistakes. Here's to becoming your mother.


Because sometimes, no matter how hard they jerk from your arms, and fight to stay away from you, only a mother could love you for ripping their heart out, even when you dont know your doing it.